As I Am is a unique collaboration of PAAC writers. Together, our writers explore broad themes related to our identities as Progressive Asian American Christians. “Who are we? Where are we going? What do we have to say?” We give shape to these questions through the act of written creation. All forms of writing are welcome.
My Father’s Words
“The only reason you’re not class president is because you don’t have a penis.” My mother said this to me when I was 6 years old. Well, she didn’t say ‘penis’, she said ‘pepper’, a Korean euphemism. I was only in the 1st grade, but it was a big deal. Competition to be...
The Yellow Woman’s Burden
The yellow woman’s burden is holding.We Hold family expectations of perfection. Silence.To uphold tradition is asian. Culture.To uphold progress is American. Innovation.To hold the family & others is asian. To hold the self & career is American.To hold...
Of Love, Legacy, Resistance, and Rainbow: A Stonewall Reflection
[TW: mentions of depression and suicide] During a police raid of the Stonewall Inn in New York City on June 28th, 1969, queer folks threw broken bottles and bricks in an act of resistance and love. This outpouring of frustration after years of violence upon their...
It’s Okay to Say No
Learning to say no to my mother saved our relationship. You have to understand, my mother is a freight train. She will steamroller you with her thoughts, opinions, and judgments. You can feel her searing intensity, especially when she’s getting worked up. Did I...
Kneeling for My Parents
As we knelt and as the orchestral recording blasted on, I thought of my parents; I thought of how they had spontaneously dropped off a beautiful bouquet of flowers before this game, before they knew what we were planning to do,
I Am Your Legacy
I’ve made peace with the tenuous understanding that we have. I’m scared of imagining a relationship with my family that’s not fraught with shame and misunderstandings.
Letter: As I Am
“Tribalism” has taken a beating in the lexicological landscape these days, and for good reason. To be tribal is to be unthinking, violent, mean. It’s been invoked to describe the growing divisions in our body politic. A tribe is an echo chamber - isolationist. To find...
First Date Worst Date Party Post
To round out our blockbuster month of first dates and worst dates, here's a crowd-sourced party post of dating stories. Enjoy the schadenfreude but please refrain from trying to guess (publicly or privately) who wrote each story, unless the author chooses to reveal...
All Your Perfect Imperfections | Loving with Honesty and BPD
TW: Mental Health, References to Self Harm I went to a therapist one time who told me that I needed to stop dating my (current) boyfriend in order to protect him from me. What did she mean by that? Was I some sort of monster? Was I so dangerous that the only way to...
The Box
As I was driving over to her house, I was thinking about what I might say. We had been building toward this moment for the past few months, if not years. In fact, probably all our lives. We grew up in the same church, attended Sunday School together. We even made...
Ivy League Hollers Part #1: Tales of Harvard “Dating”
An excerpt from the standup routine I call, “Ivy League hollers: Extremely intellectual flirtations that never go anywhere”. Scurvy So, this is the thing they don’t tell you about Harvard freshmen. They might be incredibly smart, extremely accomplished, but this is...
“Whatever It Is, Don’t Be Afraid of its Plenty”
CW: Emotional abuse, suicide. When I found out that Mary Oliver had died a few weeks ago, I closed the door to my office and cried at my desk. I fell in love with Oliver’s poetry early on in an English literature class during my first semester of college. “In...
